Howdy!

Recently, while watching my favorite “reality TV” show, “My Big Fat Horny Rabbi,” I saw my first Bush attack ad of the year. Negative political campaigns have always been with us. George Washington’s first campaign was extremely nasty and personal, which was odd since he didn’t have an opponent.

In 1800, Thomas Jefferson tried to bring civility back to campaigning by calling his opponent, John Addams, “honorable” and “righteous.” Addams responded by calling Jefferson a fatuous, bloated barn-hyena and “The Porn King of Monticello.” Most historians discount this charge however, as pornography as we know it (quite well, in some cases) was not invented yet. Although, Mr. Jefferson’s frequent written allusions to Dolly Madison’s bosoms as “heaving” may have been a bit over the line.

Over the years, we saw the occasional flare up of ugly campaign tactics, and not just in the United States. In the election of 456 for “President of the Visigoths,” the Democratic candidate referred to his opponent as being “To the right of Attila the Hun!” However, this attack failed in the face of the very effective response of his opponent, Attila the Hun, who vehemently and effectively denied being to the right of Attila the Hun.*(Even so, the Democrat would have beaten Attila if third party candidate “Nader the Schmuck” hadn’t cost him votes). Even in Milton’s “Paradise Lost”–in the epic struggle between good and evil–there are references to God calling the Devil “wrong on taxes.”

True to form, the demonization of John Kerry has already started. All the components of the right wing Amen corner are attacking everything from Kerry’s ethnicity to his wife. I picked up a great example of this the other day when I happened to tune into Sean Hannity and his hand picked “liberal” “opponent” Alan Combs:

Hannity
What bothers me is John Kerry’s call to raise taxes, and
these are his words…”out the wazoo.”

Combs
That’s a lot.

Hannity
Further, Kerry may have fought bravely during the Viet Nam
war, but most people don’t know it was for the Viet Cong!!

Combs
Wow!

Hannity
And don’t think for a second that Kerry’s wife Teresa
is putting ketchup in those bottles. It’s really the blood
of Christians!!!

Combs
Jumpin Jiminy!!

Hannity
Plus Senator Kerry has never publicly denied involvement
in the Nicole Simpson/Ron Goldman murders.

Combs
HOLY MALONY!!!!

Hannity
…and he spells his name exactly the same way Osama
bin-Laden would spell his name if it were John Kerry!

Combs
SHAZAMM!!

Hannity
We have to go to break now. I’ll be right back with my
worthy adversary, Alan…uh…um…Rumplestiltskin.

Combs
It’s “Combs.”

Hannity
What?

Combs
The name’s Alan Combs. Or Rumplestiltskin. Whatever.

I came away from the program with two thoughts. First, thank God we have Alan Combs fighting for us! Second, eight months of this is going to go really, really slow.

Love,
Dutch Larooo

Tomorrow: We visit http://www.PornKingofMonticello.com

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